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John of Vancouver

January Review 2001

There is nothing quite so laughable as the antics of the professional baby kissers, especially when, as with most Canadian politicians, they have been bathed in the royal jelly and believe themselves to be omnipotent.

Having thus been blessed, politicians and local satraps see no harm in saying just about any inanity without even blushing. In their minds they are all wise, all powerful and all knowing.

That is why they can behave like tyrants and still insist their proposals are good for you. After all, they know better what is good for you and by golly you shall obey.

Readers outside the Vancouver area may not be aware but the local traffic police have decided that branding people is just what the doctor ordered for the war on drinking and driving.

Inspector Ken Davies, head of traffic enforcement, has proposed that convicted drunk drivers be forced to display a big letter D on their vehicles.

This idea is remarkable on two fronts. The first is that the good inspector suggests this be a removable window sticker that the driver would put on whenever he goes driving so as to warn other drivers of his past crimes against humanity. Removable!? Ha Ha Ha.

Have you ever heard such blithering idiocy? Have you? Since neither the police nor the public can know when a convicted driver is behind the wheel, how can they even begin to enforce such nonsense? You don't know who is behind the wheel of the car sitting in the lane next to you! It might be Karla Homolka. In fact, this being Canada, it probably is Karla Homolka, out on day parole, incognito, because she only murdered three people.

Secondly, and more importantly, is the apparent weight of punishment the good inspector wishes to bear down on drinking drivers. Not to diminish the crime, but there are known murderers and rapists walking the streets about whom the police are forbidden to warn the public because of their constitutional privacy rights, and yet the full weight of public humiliation is to be brought down on a person who may have driven home having had a glass of wine too many? Personally I think this is ridiculous. After all, I drive well after a drink or two - it takes the edge off. My reflexes improve and I'm better looking as well. Ah beer, bringing ugly people together since 1864.

This will no doubt set the teeth gnashing of the professional world savers, but I'm willing to bet they'd rather know if their next-door neighbor was a pedophile than tipsy Uncle Tom be branded a public menace. Besides, here on the west coast we have drivers who can't steer a car while sober, let alone drunk, without grossly violating several traffic laws and some that haven't even been invented. They're called Orientals, or ornamentals as my politically incorrect friend calls them.

How do you suppose the Asian youth gangs get about? On bicycles with sidecars ala Ho Chi Minh City? Not on your life mate. They drive, rather badly, in lowered, neon-accented, Honda Preludes with happy Buddha perfume bottles glued to the dash. Oh, and they have really nice Glock 9mm automatics which I'm sure they've all registered now.

My politically incorrect friend insists he can drive better after five beers than any Ornamental could after drinking green tea.

His theory is that since white people invented cars and driving that they must be genetically predisposed to good automobile handling skills. Likewise, if your last family vehicle was a rickshaw or a water buffalo, zooming along at 80km in a Volvo might just be courting disaster. Hell, if you don't believe me come out to the west coast and take a drive through Richmond, perhaps that'll take a little steam out of your libereralism once you've been propelled through your windshield by a Chinese grandmother driving a German death mobile.

Getting back to the subject of branding people though, Inspector Davies was immediately attacked by Vancouver Councilor George Puil, who likened the good inspector's idea to the Nazi branding of Jews with the Star of David. Regular readers may recall the name George Puil as he has been tarred more than once on these pages. The hypocrisy is just too obvious to ignore. It was just last month that dumb George proposed the idea that camera's be put on the sides of highways and roads in Vancouver to record all the license plates of all the cars so the transit Gestapo can force drivers to pay a new tax on vehicles.

The shenanigans never end. George Puil's boss, Mayor Philip Owen, last year was found defending his police forces actions during the annual fireworks display. It seems the police took it into their heads that stopping and searching everybody coming into the city for alcohol was a really good idea. Never mind all that baloney about freedom from search and seizure.

The police were taken to court and beat about like an old tennis ball by the judge, who told them that no, they cannot make up new rights to suit themselves. They apologized publicly on the evening news, the spokesman looking like a little boy who'd been caught chucking cats off a roof. Mayor Philip Owen was truculent to the end. In an interview the next day he moaned about the judges decision and stated, quite dumbly, how he didn't mind at all what the police did. After all, he declared, it was for the good of the city. So there you have it, another dumb ass politician with a Napoleonic complex.



In Birmingham, England, city councilors have voted to rename a section of the city known as Balsath Heath, to Apna town, which is Punjabi for 'our town.'

A British government commission has recommended that the term Britain or British be abandoned because they are racist terms.

If you would like to read more on this story it is available on the Internet at Scroll down to a title called the Collins Column and follow the prompts.

Yes, this is the great retired journalist and essayist Doug Collins, scourge of the liberal hordes. Modern myth has had it that Doug had either moved to Valhalla or been kidnapped by the secret police and kept in detention in a cell at the top of the peace tower in Ottawa. Neither of which are true. Doug is on the loose and writing a regular column that appears on several Internet sites. You liberal types who haven't yet been reduced to tears may want to look it up and set your hair on fire. 

Good Night Dolls

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