| Like
every other good Canadian, election
night last November found me hunched in
front of the T.V. set watching the
election results and polishing my
mastadon club.
The CBC girl reading the news
practically wet her knickers when she
fawningly announced another Liberal
majority. I nearly fell out of my chair.
I can understand the CBC being all wet,
after all, the Liberals give them
six-hundred million of your dollars each
year to produce those really good shows
which none of you watch.
"Just what kind of liberal
Cro-Magnon hell is Canada coming
to?!" I yelled toward the kitchen
where my wife was making me a meat
platter.
Yes, the Canadian Alliance did sweep
the west, but that doesn't make me feel
any better after the backpedaling they
did on the referendum issue. The votes
in the rest of Canada are what concern
me. How is it that the English speaking
citizens of Ontario can be so dim as to
elect such an odious band of in-bred
French jack-asses is quite beyond me.
That the Atlantic regions elected
Liberals by the bushel shouldn't
surprise anyone. Unemployment is an
industry on the east coast and the
Liberals just spilled six hundred
million that way a few weeks before the
election. No jiggery pokery there,
obviously.
In Quebec they welcomed back the
Liberals but that can be explained by
the fact that the province is populated
by Frenchmen. Who knows why the French
do anything?
The last time the French had any real
success in politics was when they
imported a Corsican bandit to help them
harry the rest of Europe, and that ended
rather badly when the Brits came over
and beat them like a batch of ill
mannered circus monkeys. It's been thus
ever since. If it were not for the
English speaking countries of the world
the French would right now be guzzling
schnapps instead of sipping wine and
their children would be goose-stepping
their way to school, and now they vote
Liberal those ungrateful cheese-sniffers.
However, back to Ontario.
This province is inscrutable. 101 of
its 103 seats went Liberal.
I suppose with this level of support
we can safely assume that Ontarians
believe they are not paying too much
income tax and enjoy paying the GST.
Ontarians, unlike the rest of Canada,
also must think the health care delivery
is just fine in their province. They
must also enjoy the multitudes of
smiling immigrants they receive,
especially from Haiti, China and Jamaica
who make up seventy percent of their
over-all intake. In fact, according to
Ontario's fantastic health-care system,
Ontario is enjoying a renewed public
awareness of tuberculoses, which only a
few years ago had been nearly eradicated
from Canada. Ottawa will begin mandatory
TB screening in its daycares this
September because there has been a
recent outbreak in the number of cases
of this disease. Not surprisingly 90% of
TB cases come from refugees and new
immigrants living in the Toronto area.
Clearly multiculturalism is very good
for Ontario.
Ontarians must also be enjoying the
Liberal's criminal justice system. I
know this because I saw pictures of one
of their most famous daughters, Carla
Homolka, wearing a stunning evening
dress and attending an evening soiree,
and all this whilst in Jail. Liberal
mercy has no bounds.
I suppose they also agree that free
trade has been good for them. Ontarians
certainly do not believe that the
Liberals are not out of touch with the
average citizen, and don't spend your
money like a drunken sailor. That must
be why they re-elected Jane Stewart by a
margin of two-to-one over her nearest
rival. After all, misspending over a
billion dollars in the Department of
Human Resources and precipitating over
16 RCMP criminal investigations deserves
re-election.
Ontario is the heartland of Canada
and because of this they are, well, just
that much more Canadian than the rest of
us, which is precisely what a CBC host
said on national radio just a week
before the election. The rest of Canada
will just have to contend with the fact
that Ontario won't vote for any leader
unless he is a lawyer from Quebec. God
help us all. |
