It's easy to be
one hundred per cent
anti-all-immigration when it's a bunch
of -- as Doug
Collins so aptly put it --
bulbous-eyed bug eaters.
It's a little harder to hold that
position when a cute little six-year-old
like "Alien" Gonzalez washes
up on shore.
It's easy to say "Kick 'em all
out!" Until it's Janet (That's
a MAN, baby!) Reno and her
stormtroopers doing the kicking.
More than once I said, "they should
storm the house and get that kid out of
there!" -- but when it actually went
down, I felt uncomfortable numb.
Whatever position we might have taken on
the Elian Gonzalez affair, I think we were
all just a little unnerved by the photos of
flak-jacketed INS agents snatching a
terrified little kid from sheltering arms at
gunpoint. Try to imagine the sheer horror of
awakening in the dead of night to the sound
of your front door being smashed in by what
must appear to be terrorists, as they race
about screaming and pointing their
ominous-looking weapons at you and your
This is the kind of stuff you see in
motion pictures, where Middle Eastern
terrorists kidnap helpless Western tourists
in the name of some screwed up holy war. And
Hollywood must have cranked out six million
movies in which jackbooted Gestapo marauders
invade in the dead of night, terrorizing
helpless innocents and schlepping them off
to concentration camps.
But in noble America? The greatest
country in the world?
Something just seems so wrong here.
The end, I believe was right, but can it
possibly justify the means?
If it was a case of illegal criminal aliens
-- not Elians -- hiding out, then yes, get
them out by any means necessary. Blow them
up, gas them, whatever!
But Elian is a little kid, for Christ's
And yes, absolutely, he DOES belong with
The mother had she lived, should have
been criminally charged for illegally taking
her son on such a reckless journey.
Divorced, she shared joint custody of the
kid with her former husband, Elian's father,
and had no right --legal or moral -- to be
risking the kid's life on such a foolhardy
adventure. Truth is, this irresponsible
bitch was running off to America with a new
boyfriend, and gave no real thought to
Elian's welfare. She was simply chasing
dick. So if she ended up as shark food, I
shed no tears for that slut.
After she and ten or eleven others
perished at sea, when their flimsy boat
capsized, fate -- or dolphins -- delivered
Elian to obscure relatives in Miami's Little
A cousin, Marisleysis Gonzalez, who has
been described as Elian's chief caregiver,
turns out to be a real prize. When she's not
wailing in front of the TV cameras and
making far too much noise, she's fainting
and being carted off to the hospital --
obviously a very disturbed woman, and
certainly not capable of looking after a
young child, if she's never there.
But she and Elian's not-so-great uncle,
Lazaro Gonzalez, loved the celebrity status
that had been bestowed upon them, so they
were willing to defy court orders and take
the law into their own hands. Charge them
with kidnapping and obstruction of justice.
Maybe let Janet Reno smack 'em around a bit.
Fact is, Elian has a loving father who
obviously cares very much for him and that's
where he belongs -- at his father's side,
even if it is in Castro's Cuba. It's
certainly not the worst place in the world,
and Castro can't live forever.
As for those damn relatives -- any chance
we could find some old inner tubes and ship
them back to Cuba too?
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