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BEING A CHRISTMAS CAROL ON CAPLAN & CO.

Doug Collins

Dec 17, 2000

The statesman is an easy man
He tells his lies by rote,
The journalist makes up his lies
And stuffs them down your throat.
So stay at home and drink your beer,
And let the neighbors vote.

The above lines came to me via a newsletter from Austria that may be edited by Jeorg Haider. Letís hope it is, because he has been received by the Pope, who is not only infallible but knows a thing or two about Christmas that he may not be admitting. 

Like, for instance, that it is really a pagan festival thought up by German Nazis who beat the hell out of the Romans and then invented Christmas trees. Something to celebrate, if you ask me. The victory, I mean, since by that time the legions were led by queers and immigrants, as any historian will tell you, beginning with Macaulay.

As for Herr Haider, he sounds all right to me. Anyone is OK with me who gets bad notices on the CBC or who arouses the ire of those fumble fingers in Brussels, not to mention the the ones in London, and also not to mention the unmentionable, fornicating Bill Clinton, who has just been shaking hands with IRA terrorist Gerry Adams while his wife gave him (Adams, that is), a big juicy kiss.

Am I joking? Am I issuing a whopper? Not at all. Nor was there any evidence that Bill and Hillary were drunk. Put it down to yet another example of the Christmas spirit, of which there is far too much.

As for the above lines, arenít they just the right thing? Didnít we see it all in the recent election? Didnít Jean Cretin show that he has a summa cum laude in corruption? Didnít the journalists make up their lies and stuff them down the throats of the gullible, starting with the sinister Doug Christie allegedly backing Stockwell Day? And didnít those twitwits in Ontario vote for the Cretin en masse ó Cretin, who by means of immigration is dedicated to sending us the same way as the Roman legions?

But I deviate from my theme.

Despite his doubts about Christmas, Scrooge Collins wishes to wish a Happy Christmas to all racists, holocaust deniers and bigots, of whom there are millions, judging by all the folk who, despite Elinor Caplan, voted against those Liberal wankers. 

The poor little Jewish girl didnít manage to frighten everyone away, possibly because she was still reciting the kadash while getting ready to sign extradition orders and denying citizenship to 90-year-olds. A real expert in her Jewish version of love, is little old Elinor, and I hope she sees visions of the Pope every night during Hanukkah. Martin Luther should put in an appearance, too.

Unhappy Hanukkah, Elinor!

Anyone who thinks that thatis anti-Semitic is wrong, as usual.Iím all for the Palestinians, just like the United Nations, and I say that every dog will have his day, including us bigots, racists and holocaust deniers. Given any luck, and a deluge of real human rights in Ontario, we shall form the next government and invite Herr Haider to come over and have Christmas with us.

Before I forget it, let me also wish bad dreams to the Dark Lady from the Caribbean, Hedy Fry, our Minister for Multicultural Mismanagement, whom the massed sodomites and lesbians of Vancouver Centre have returned to Ottawa, where she and Elinor will dance the Hora. Or perhaps more appropriately, if you get my point, two Horas.

Hedy, as she made clear from her mentions of Stockwell Day, is for Sikhism, Buddhism, Muslimism, and every other ism except Christianism. A true Liberal and follower of Cretin, our Lord of Misrule.

May her turkey burn.

Racists, bigots and holocaust deniers are the salt of the earth. Charles Dickens, William Shakespeare, and the writers of the Magna Carta were their ancestors, which is why we shall have a Happy Christmas whether we like it or not.

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